Learn All About the Movement— Run For Your Lives

The National Tea Party Coalition presents to you— INSANITY! Get your tin-foil hat out, because these “radicals” will stop at nothing to spread the word. Introducing the Conservative Radical University, a group founded by everybody’s favorite sore, Michael Patrick Leahy.

We should have seen this coming. One would think the ideas behind the ridiculous tea party platform would be fairly easy to grasp. For example:

1. Scream a lot.

2. Wave a sign in the air and shake your fist.

3. Make sure the sign says something like “GO BACK TO AFRICA,” and

4. Buy Michael Patrick Leahy’s book.

Easy enough, right?

These “Conservative Radical” classes are the most absurd thing your Editor has seen in a long time. But saying that, we must explore the beast in all of its low quality, low-ball lunacy. Why not?

The “University” is being spawned from the depths of hell which is called GEMTEAM, which is an organization of some sort started by Leahy to ensure the spread of these “fresh” Conservative ideals that surely man has never seen before. Interestingly enough, GEMTEAM is listed under the Woodcutters Directory. Is Leahy using his powers of tea bagging to saw off the shaft and focus on the testicles? This is speculation, of course. We await his response.

MOVING ON:

The University is set up so that any schmo can sign up to become an instructor, even. Just look at the qualifications you need:

Certified Instructors

What are the qualifications of a Certified Instructor at Conservative Radical University?

– Leadership experience as an organizer of local tea parties, 9-12 events, or similar conservative activism
– Successful completion of Certified Instructor Training from Conservative Radical University

How Many Types of Certified Instructors Do You Have?

– Certified Instructors in Rules for Conservative Radicals
– Certified Instructors in the American Exceptionalism Series for the Millennnial Generation

Who are our Certified Instructors?

– Kevin Hard (Texas)is certified in Rules for Conservative Radicals

What to do if you want to become a Certified Instructor?

Contact me. I would like to become a certified instructor.

But don’t start licking your chops just yet, people. You have to have some sort of experience to jump on the awful bandwagon of becoming an instructor. So get out there and start yapping at as many people as you can find. Your country may not thank you for it, or anybody else for that matter, but you can still cause a lot of headaches.

Hopefully this awful idea will spawn other “Universities” for dumb causes the general population doesn’t care too much about. We can have a “University of Elevator Operation” or maybe even the “University of Paper Weights and Measurements.”

Oh the possibilities!

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1 Comment

  1. Michael Patrick Leahy killed that Census worker. Really. You see, the Census worker was asking Leahy about his basic demographic information, and when they came to race, Leahy accidentally answered “lizard person.” Fearing that his cover was blown, Leahy killed the Census worker in order to hide his terrible secret.

    Run with this hot tip, Shorts. My sourcing is absolutely bulletproof (Andrew Breitbart has a videotape of the crime).


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