A Very Special Episode of Teablogging

Well, friends, you know that all good things must end, and, it turns out, all questionable and unabashedly lowbrow things must end too, so today it is with a cirrhotic liver and a heavy heart that I announce my plans to step away from my insolent bastard child, Teablogging.net, effective immediately.

After two years in Southern California, I am returning to the bosom of American politics, Washington DC, which has finally and inevitably sucked me back in, like the Mafia, or a toilet. In this new iteration of my life I will be playing the role of a grown-up, which unfortunately does not allow for the kind of edgy, sarcastic and utterly profane tone I hope to have created on Teablogging. That’s why instead of watering it down or shuttering the site entirely, I’m handing it over to my friend Halden, the delightfully embittered editor of ShortsandPants who, honestly, makes me look like I shit rainbows. (follow him on teh Twitturz here)

Meanwhile, I’ll be relaunching Urbzen.com, my first intarwebz project (starting this weekend with dispatches from my cross-country drive), where I’ll cover a broader range of social issues—It’ll be like the Ladies’ Page, if the Ladies’ Page drank whiskey for breakfast and cursed like a sailor. Hope to see you all over there, and don’t forget to give Shortsy a hard time.

I also feel like I should mention that my decision to hand over Teablogging has less than nothing to do with the sorry excuse for a lawsuit recently filed against me by a certain reptile. If anything, that whole episode just made it harder to walk away.

Bon chance, and try not to fuck everything up.

Yours in teabagging,

@StephanieWDC

Welcome to Teablogging

Welcome to Teablogging.net! This site was created by famous internet celebrity and known liberal @StephanieInCA and is now brought to you by @ShortsandPants (Halden) to chronicle the lead-up to the April 15 conservative hysteria Tax Day Tea Parties and to serve as a central repository for low-brow teabag-related sex jokes.

Our intention was to wind down the site following the rallies on April 15; however, like any good tantrum, the Teabag Movement shows no signs of abating. So for as long as Teabaggers, Paultards, secessionists, Randians, fisters, Beckites, etc. continue to gather at parks and strip malls across the country to express poorly articulated outrage and thinly veiled panic, Teablogging will be here, bringing it to you live, and taking the lowest possible road… for freedom.

Around the site, you’ll find MSM and blog teabagging coverage, local Teaparty Infiltration Teams (TITs), a Teabagging FAQ and links to teaparty-related topics trending on Twitter. If you have a post you’d like to see included on Teablogging, email us at teablogging@gmail.com or wander on over to our Contact section.

World Net Daily Special: “GOD SAVE US ALL”

Some people are taking The Fight (whatever the hell that is) TO THE EXTREME:

Janet Porter is being VERY SERIOUS with you. Let’s explore.

I wanted to e-mail my editor and tell him I’m taking the week off. My preference? Play in the snow with my niece and nephew and spend time by the fireplace with family. But too much is at stake to give up now – or even to take a much needed break.

The Senate rammed through socialized medicine, complete with forced abortion funding, and we have to stop it in the House.

So now it’s time for a PRAYERATHON. Especially since, if we enable health care reform, we are essentially “killing God.”

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Our Own Modern Day Joe McCarthy

There are threats abound in our post-Holiday America. These are from all sides. Nobody is safe from the possibilities of harm that are massively afoot. We must not treat this subject lightly. We have all seen the effects of terrorism, poverty, civil war, genocide, aristocracy, American Idol, and the like— but there is an even greater evil to be reckoned with. This will kill our hopes dreams, and realities.

Luckily, there is one human being, Allen Quist, who has the rocks to deal with this madness. Yes— Satan is staring us in the face— and he’s liberal.

So why are the liberals worse then terrorism? Allen explains.
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Constitutional Warriors

Do you love the Constitution? You damn well should, as it is an incredible thing. Tea Party people also love the Constitution, which is why they are on a mission of VAST importance. Let’s do away with the separation of Church and State, as that is clearly how it is phrased in the Constitution. Rex Rammell, lightning Conservative and hopeful primary challenger in the incredible race for Governor of Idaho sends word. Never mind that he suggested somebody hunt and kill the President this summer, there are other factors at play that we shan’t deny.
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Guess Who is Going to the Tea Party Protest in San Francisco Tonight?

YOUR FUCKIN’ EDITOR, THAT’S WHO.

Yes, this is a special day for everyone. From 4 to 8 p.m. your Teablogging’s own shortsshortsshorts will be walking among the piles of people at the St. Francis Hotel for Obama’s one day “Presidential” visit, IF WE CAN EVEN CALL HIM THE PRESIDENT.

Let’s explore what your Editor will be taking photos and video of this evening, for sport:

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Learn All About the Movement— Run For Your Lives

The National Tea Party Coalition presents to you— INSANITY! Get your tin-foil hat out, because these “radicals” will stop at nothing to spread the word. Introducing the Conservative Radical University, a group founded by everybody’s favorite sore, Michael Patrick Leahy.

We should have seen this coming. One would think the ideas behind the ridiculous tea party platform would be fairly easy to grasp. For example:

1. Scream a lot.

2. Wave a sign in the air and shake your fist.

3. Make sure the sign says something like “GO BACK TO AFRICA,” and

4. Buy Michael Patrick Leahy’s book.

Easy enough, right?

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Republican Candidate Calls for Armed Uprising at Tea Party Rally

Catherine Crabill, some Republican Nominee for the 99th Congressional District of Virginia IS OUT OF HER MIND. In this video, she speaks to her Tea Party friends in the “resolution style” which has become very popular among Teabaggers. That is to say every sentence begins with “Whereas” and is followed by insane banter. Here is a quote for your enjoyment:

“We have the chance to fight this battle at the ballot box before we have to resort to the bullet box… That’s the beauty of our 2nd Amend rights.”

So remember, anybody who disagrees with the Teabaggers… YOU WILL BE SHOT AND KILLED after election day. Isn’t that nice?

Presumably Inspired by “Tweets from Iran,” Tea Baggers to Take Over Twitter on Saturday

Hmmm

Michael Simone demands your attendance to an online “Tea Party” happening all over the Internet on Saturday, at 12:00 p.m.

It should be noted that the man really, truly enjoys the word “Tea Party.” We are not sure it he knows what the movement is. Take this for an example:

TEA PARTY TEA PARTYTEA PARTY TEA PARTY TEA PARTY TEA PARTY TEA PARTY TEA PARTY TEA PARTY TEA PARTY TEA PARTY TEA PARTY TEA PARTY TEA PARTY TEA PARTY TEA PARTY TEA PARTY TEA PARTY TEA PARTY TEA PARTY etc.

Good grief.